Individuality, Family & More...

Read on to find what “more” will include.

Individuality as the dictionary defines is the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind, especially when strongly marked.

Family on the other hand can be described as a group of individuals affiliated either by consanguinity (by recognized birth), affinity (by marriage or other relationship), or co-residence or some combination of these.

More will include the relations which are accepted by choice in our life i.e. Friends and Lovers.

“To say “I love you” one must know first how to say the “I”.” ― Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

I here may stand for a lover, but contrary to that I think it stood for individuality. 

Love is a feeling which isn’t restricted to a lover it expands its horizons to all the relations which one builds in life, be it by birth or by choice. The life of an individual is a complex one, she has to maintain balance in a variety of relations to sustain and succeed in wholesome. Talking about success, one needs to be satisfied completely, mentally, and emotionally. To grow in one’s career, he/she is symbiotically dependent on their personal life.

One needs to understand where to draw a line that adheres to one’s individuality.  Let’s look at what we are going through in our family and love lives at present and how we are taking our individuality for granted.

In India, we live in respect-driven relationships with our elders which sometimes lead us to make decisions that otherwise were not our call. This experience might gain one love but it hinders the process of learning from our own mistakes. Precautions are better than cure agreed, but the ability to take risks should not be crushed and rebuked upon.

One as an individual is in the position to question feelings and beliefs that have been practiced for quite sometime framed by the family but if the same family discourages and mocks you in the name of tradition, we know there is something wrong going on. One should have the capacity to remain against such a rule that negates with your (new) perspectives of life. If one thinks you aren’t drawn by this hatred-relationship masquerading as love, just defy them once you’ll get your answer and if it is in your favor, nothing better but if not, my dear individual you have been long imprisoned by them.

Nobody, yes not even your family should have the right to restrict you from what you have always idolized to do for yourself. You must be able to preserve your uniqueness by all means and at all costs. Stop being a slave to anyone.

I, as an individual aren’t trying to carve a path of emotionless and careless attitude, I’m just trying to throw light towards a way that has been in dark ever since we were born.

Family relationships shouldn’t stop you from growing, you need to understand the line between worship and listening.

Being raised as part of a family shouldn’t seize from you the right to be independent of every other member. You need to get this straight that it might be challenging and difficult to release yourself from such connections due to the strong bond within family members but it will eventually pay off when you gain your freedom and have become independent of them. But if not, such a relationship is unhealthy and could leave a damaging scar on you if not quickly broken. With patience, boldness, and firmness you can stand up for yourself politely.

One needs to understand she’s designed to be herself and not someone else by maintaining the boundaries and God-given principles even when contrary to human philosophy. There can be many things one disagrees with within the family but should never compromise it as he/she is also a member of the family. It might backfire, they might think you are disobedient or inconsiderate and not being the brother’s keeper but that’s far from it. It’s just that one shouldn’t be influenced by decisions or choices that are contrary to what she believes.

You need to avoid this ungodly and selfish relationship in your life, especially where your career, marriage, finances are determined by someone else. Stop worshiping your parents, brothers, or sisters. They are not your God! You need to refuse to be stripped of the right to live life the way you want. Stop idolizing your parents because of the sacrifice they made or the challenge they went through because of you while you were young. That’s why they are your parents anyway as you would have to make those sacrifices at some point in life for your children as well. Don’t let that stop you from living your life the way you believe is right.

I am not suggesting you should not be interested in other people’s opinion or to go on hurting other people’s emotions or not to be grateful; neither am I suggesting that you shouldn’t appreciate your parents for the sacrifices they have made in the past or any other member of your household but don’t deprive yourself either of what should potentially make you unique.

You need to be very discerning and alert at all times to know when to make the right decisions and to remain firm. Listen to others’ opinions and suggestions about you as they have the right and freedom of speech but you are not under any obligation to live by them. Be open to correction, however, don’t live someone else’s life or dream by being subjected to what you call love.

To stand out and maintain your uniqueness in this generation, you must strive not to be a people pleaser or defend jealously what makes you, you.

Although your family members are individuals of the same blood as you, you are by no means the same or under any compulsion to share the same principles and values with them about life. Rise up to be who you are designed to be. This cannot be achieved by arguments or unnecessary fights but by wisdom to know where you stand on every given matter. You need the boldness to remain firm on your beliefs and the path which you have wisely and carefully chosen for yourself.

You must be bold and courageous to effect change as a lot of pressure will be exerted upon you but with persistence, boldness, and your vision ahead of you, there is an assurance of gaining your independence from such family ties or bonds.

Don’t resent or get angry with any of your family members but make a decision to stand out. Launch out to run after those childhood dreams. Dare to be great. Be an achiever. Set out to be different. If it seems they are against you today, never mind, they will surely look for you tomorrow.

Once you have become who you set out to be, they will remember you are one of them and they shall surely reconcile with you.

All you need to know is that you need not be imprisoned by another man’s way or approach to life. Take time now and examine the kind of family relationship you belong to.

From herein I shift to another aspect of individuality, when one gets into a relationship, in the name of love one blindsides one’s social life, not just that one get dependent on her partner so much so her own survival holds no meaning.

When two people fall in love, they experience themselves and each other as separate individuals with distinct identities, and their own ideas, interests, and friends. Their individuality makes them interesting to each other. If one starts letting go of her identity of who she was in the first place, the relationship will start shaking its core-existence.

Just because you are a couple and know each other well, does not mean that you have the same perceptions, thoughts, or ideas. Don’t assume you know how your partner sees you; we often project our negative self-image on to our loved one and imagine them sharing that viewpoint. One needs to understand the foundation of a mature relationship, it is not needy or dependent.  

Love means both the individuals in the relationship have room to be themselves — even while being together. Interdependent relationships leave one person driven by the need and fear that their partner will leave. Thus, attempts to have power over the other and one partner gives up a significant part of himself or herself to maintain a peaceful relationship. See where you are going, before it gets too late.

Think 100 times before losing your individuality, as someday somebody said to me “If you yourself aren’t happy, how will you keep people around you happy”. Give yourself time and figure out where life is leading you, you still can change, you still can grow and you still can come out of the shackles which don’t let you be a free bird. 

Abide by the rules you make for yourself don’t let others channel your route because it is not them it's you. You are the one who decides who you want to be not anybody else because you are the commander of your life, don’t take it for granted. 

Life is one and so are you!

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Sanna